The October Issue

Mindless Self Entertainment
By James del Rosario

Superbad (On DVD, a comedy rated R)

The story of two teenaged boys who are the ideal stereotypical image of what an 18-year-old high school graduate is obsessed with—sex, booze, and best friends. From watching the trailers to watching the movie, the film is exactly what you’d expect; a raunchy, outrageous, and screamingly funny film. The humor is very sexual, and there are probably only two sentences in the entire 104 minutes that don’t have a curse word uttered. The dialogue is very graphic, and there are many ridiculously quotable lines. This film was directed towards and meant for teenagers, and I give this film:
4 out of 5 Ticket Stubs

Balls of Fury (On DVD, a comedy rated PG-13)

A ping-pong child prodigy, disgraced in a tournament and now making his way as a showman in a dirty, rundown restaurant, who gets the courage to start playing again to take down the evil Chinese Triad leader who killed his father. Sounds like a “banging” good time, eh? Please forgive the pun—my wit sucks, much like this movie. There were some funny moments, but it was all very slapstick, stupid, and oftentimes just plain gross. The film never takes itself seriously, and the people who go, like myself, aren’t expecting an award-winning film, just to laugh at 90 minutes worth of cheap jokes. Really, really cheap jokes. Therefore, I award Balls of Fury:
2 out of 5 Ticket Stubs

Blades Of Glory (out on DVD, a comedy rated PG-13)

Perhaps nowhere else in sports will there be such a beautiful combination of strength and grace than in figure skating—the lifts, jumps, and routines paint an elegant world, a rare universe, a noble place. At least, it used to until Will Ferrell and Jon Heder decided to mess with it. In traditional “Will Ferrell” style, the film is filled to the brim with idiotic humor, somewhat tangible logic, and loopholes that’ll make your head spin. The colorfully abused costumes are merely the icing on a mediocre cake that has both subtle and ridiculously exposed absurdity. Sadly, however, though the comedy is rather fresh, the story reeks of Ferrell’s other movies, and therefore I feel this deserves:
3 ¹/₂ out of 5 Ticket Stubs

Metroid Prime 3: Corruption (For the Wii, rated T)

After great anticipation for the final of the Prime trilogy in the Metroid series, I finally got to experience the sci-fi shooter magic. Corruption continues the story of the mysterious Phazon element. The Prime games are different from the classic Metroid platformer by adding a first-person view, giving a more in-depth feeling to the game play. Corruption continues this tradition while mixing in complicated puzzles, more upgrades and beam weapons, and even Samus’ spaceship getting to see some action. The game promises to be much bigger than its predecessors, with graphics both revolutionary for the games and the Wii itself. However, the controls sometimes aren’t as smooth as other Wii games, and the graphics, though quite good, are still lagging behind the other competitors. I award Metroid Prime 3: Corruption:
350 out of 500 HP


Heavenly Sword (For the Playstation 3, rated M)

At first glance, this may look like a God of War copy with a lean-and-mean female on a rampage instead of a steroid-induced male. It’s not. At least, not totally. Though some of the game play may have been inspired by God of War, the controls and combos in Heavenly Sword are much more deliberate and the enemies a lot smarter. Therefore, if you rely on random-button mashing to get past a game, you probably won’t get very far. The feature of being able to switch weapons in the middle of a combo adds to the endless amount of havoc you can wreak upon your foes. The story is a little overrated (a lone survivor trying to avenge the destruction of her village), but the brutality of the battles and the beauty of the graphics makes up for it. Still, it feels too much like God of War for me to take seriously. Heavenly Sword earns:
300 out of 500 HP

Bioshock (For the Xbox 360, rated M)

You’ve crashed your airplane on an island in the middle of the ocean, you’ve found a conveniently placed submarine in an abandoned building which just happens to be on autopilot and travels to the depths of the ocean. There you find an unknown underwater metropolis named Rapture, where mutants run rampant and you’re all alone. Okay, so the plot doesn’t seem all that impressive, but it does branch from the clichéd and tiring. The two main things you have to worry about in this first-person shooter are the “Little Sisters”, which you can either save to befriend and get gifts from, or harvest to increase your ADAM, which is used to upgrade your telekinetic powers, and the “Big Daddies”, (shown left) whom you must kill because they protect the Little Sisters. Much like the dating scene. Because it’s so like my life, I give Bioshock:

400 out of 500 HP