The December Issue (Internet Edition)

Mindless Self Entertainment (Internet Edition)
By James del Rosario

Now, you didn’t really think the only type of electronic visual stimulation was the television, did you? Seeing as I’m addicted to the computer as well, I thought I’d try something a little different this month.

YouTube User-Uploaded Videos

Charlie the Unicorn

This video had me split two ways. It has terrible animation, most of the voice acting gets on your nerves, and the “Candy Mountain” song has given me a strong desire to slam my head through the wall. But it was the all the things that normally make a video terrible that made this particular one hilarious. It has me addicted, I can’t stop watching, and I hate it while loving it at the same time. So, to resist giving it a 4, I award it:
3 ½ out of 5 ticket stubs


Smosh Productions

Anthony Padilla and Ian Hecox from Carmichael, California have created quite possibly my favorite series of videos to ever come out of YouTube. Each video is absolutely hilarious, and while they all induce the same type of comedy, they also renovate it each time to give each video its own personality. They’ve won YouTube’s coveted Best Comedy Award for their video “Stranded,” and their music video for the theme song of “Pokemon” was once YouTube’s most viewed video until it was removed due to a copyright claim by another user. I proudly give Smosh M.S.E.’s very first:
5 out of 5 ticket stubs (as we hear “Hail to the Chief” in the background)

Flash Games

The Grow Games

From Eyezmaze in Japan comes this Flash puzzle game called Grow. It's very simple to play: you drag and drop the "materials" over to the GROW symbol, and then they begin to—you guessed it—grow. Only one item can be dropped per turn and throughout the turns the materials level up. Depending on the order in which you drop them, some materials will level up more than others, and some will affect the way others grow. There’s only one correct order to level every item to its maximum. It’s challenging, cute, entertaining, and will hold your attention for hours. I award the Grow series:
475 out of 500 HP


Escape the Room

Many of us, including myself, have been captivated by it. Some of us, including myself, have been reduced to tears. And one of us, including myself, has chucked his computer out his window after being stuck in the same spot for five hours. The goal is simple: escape. Clues are hidden in the most unlikely of hiding spots, and you should be clicking every single thing in sight in twenty different places. There are games that are far too easy for the series, created by people with nothing else to do, and then there are games that seem to have no solution whatsoever, created by smarter people with nothing else to do. For making me cry, I give Escape:
300 out of 500 HP

The October Issue

Mindless Self Entertainment
By James del Rosario

Superbad (On DVD, a comedy rated R)

The story of two teenaged boys who are the ideal stereotypical image of what an 18-year-old high school graduate is obsessed with—sex, booze, and best friends. From watching the trailers to watching the movie, the film is exactly what you’d expect; a raunchy, outrageous, and screamingly funny film. The humor is very sexual, and there are probably only two sentences in the entire 104 minutes that don’t have a curse word uttered. The dialogue is very graphic, and there are many ridiculously quotable lines. This film was directed towards and meant for teenagers, and I give this film:
4 out of 5 Ticket Stubs

Balls of Fury (On DVD, a comedy rated PG-13)

A ping-pong child prodigy, disgraced in a tournament and now making his way as a showman in a dirty, rundown restaurant, who gets the courage to start playing again to take down the evil Chinese Triad leader who killed his father. Sounds like a “banging” good time, eh? Please forgive the pun—my wit sucks, much like this movie. There were some funny moments, but it was all very slapstick, stupid, and oftentimes just plain gross. The film never takes itself seriously, and the people who go, like myself, aren’t expecting an award-winning film, just to laugh at 90 minutes worth of cheap jokes. Really, really cheap jokes. Therefore, I award Balls of Fury:
2 out of 5 Ticket Stubs

Blades Of Glory (out on DVD, a comedy rated PG-13)

Perhaps nowhere else in sports will there be such a beautiful combination of strength and grace than in figure skating—the lifts, jumps, and routines paint an elegant world, a rare universe, a noble place. At least, it used to until Will Ferrell and Jon Heder decided to mess with it. In traditional “Will Ferrell” style, the film is filled to the brim with idiotic humor, somewhat tangible logic, and loopholes that’ll make your head spin. The colorfully abused costumes are merely the icing on a mediocre cake that has both subtle and ridiculously exposed absurdity. Sadly, however, though the comedy is rather fresh, the story reeks of Ferrell’s other movies, and therefore I feel this deserves:
3 ¹/₂ out of 5 Ticket Stubs

Metroid Prime 3: Corruption (For the Wii, rated T)

After great anticipation for the final of the Prime trilogy in the Metroid series, I finally got to experience the sci-fi shooter magic. Corruption continues the story of the mysterious Phazon element. The Prime games are different from the classic Metroid platformer by adding a first-person view, giving a more in-depth feeling to the game play. Corruption continues this tradition while mixing in complicated puzzles, more upgrades and beam weapons, and even Samus’ spaceship getting to see some action. The game promises to be much bigger than its predecessors, with graphics both revolutionary for the games and the Wii itself. However, the controls sometimes aren’t as smooth as other Wii games, and the graphics, though quite good, are still lagging behind the other competitors. I award Metroid Prime 3: Corruption:
350 out of 500 HP


Heavenly Sword (For the Playstation 3, rated M)

At first glance, this may look like a God of War copy with a lean-and-mean female on a rampage instead of a steroid-induced male. It’s not. At least, not totally. Though some of the game play may have been inspired by God of War, the controls and combos in Heavenly Sword are much more deliberate and the enemies a lot smarter. Therefore, if you rely on random-button mashing to get past a game, you probably won’t get very far. The feature of being able to switch weapons in the middle of a combo adds to the endless amount of havoc you can wreak upon your foes. The story is a little overrated (a lone survivor trying to avenge the destruction of her village), but the brutality of the battles and the beauty of the graphics makes up for it. Still, it feels too much like God of War for me to take seriously. Heavenly Sword earns:
300 out of 500 HP

Bioshock (For the Xbox 360, rated M)

You’ve crashed your airplane on an island in the middle of the ocean, you’ve found a conveniently placed submarine in an abandoned building which just happens to be on autopilot and travels to the depths of the ocean. There you find an unknown underwater metropolis named Rapture, where mutants run rampant and you’re all alone. Okay, so the plot doesn’t seem all that impressive, but it does branch from the clichéd and tiring. The two main things you have to worry about in this first-person shooter are the “Little Sisters”, which you can either save to befriend and get gifts from, or harvest to increase your ADAM, which is used to upgrade your telekinetic powers, and the “Big Daddies”, (shown left) whom you must kill because they protect the Little Sisters. Much like the dating scene. Because it’s so like my life, I give Bioshock:

400 out of 500 HP

Mindless Self Introduction

During the beginning of this year, I had magically come across an awesome opportunity which I just had to take hold of; the decision to play video games and watch movies for fucking homework. Now this was obviously a great deal, getting A's for basically doing what I always do, playing video games, watching movies, then ranting and raving about how amazingly awesome or errantly shitty they were. At the same time, however, the glory was short-lived. This was my first year on the Northeaster staff, and being that this was my senior year in Fletcher, it was also my last year on the Northeaster staff.

I'd like to thank Ash Saraga for giving me this opportunity in the first place. I remember last year after she had read one of the stories I had submitted in Journalism I. As she was the sub-editor for the Entertainment section, she immediately recruited me, saying, and I quote, "I didn't know you had talent."

My reviews, while obviously not the best written in the universe, were met with general "I like this" views, as I tend to rant, and whenever I rant, I get mad, and when I get mad, I get funny, since I typically discard such ideas as manners and tact.

I'm going to start this blog off by posting each article featured this year, a total of eight, every other day. Once the May issue comes out, which is in two weeks, I'm going to begin posting reviews for one movie every Tuesday and Saturday, and one video game every Thursday and Sunday. If you have any particular movie or video game you'd like me to review, then by all means, request it by e-mailing me at agblade2008@hotmail.com. Be warned, though, that if you request it like an insufferable prick, i.e. "Do this or I will never read this again," then I will take your "nicely formulated request" and shove so far up your ass it'll reach Narnia.