Mindless Self Entertainment
by James del Rosario
by James del Rosario
The Heartbreak Kid (On DVD, rated R)
A remake of the 1972 original with the same name, The Heartbreak Kid tells the story of a man whose marriage goes horribly wrong mere days after the ceremony is finished. While on his honeymoon, he falls for another, presumably unattainable woman who is most definitely not his wife. Well, doesn't that suck? A formula for disaster, the movie doesn't reach its full potential. While the laughs are many and the story well developed, there are many missed opportunities; times where I thought they could have pulled of some more "Oh snap!" moments. Hereafter, The Heartbreak Kid shall have:
3 1/2 out of 5 ticket stubs
Across The Universe (On DVD, rated PG-13)
I'm a fan of musicals, and when I heard there was a musical based entirely on the Beatles' music, I nearly fainted. Then I heard it wasn't showing in Jacksonville. So I dished out two hundred dollars to have a buddy of mine take me to Tampa solely so I could watch it. Unfortunately, the plot could literally be described in a children's book, and almsot every character's name is linked to a Beatles' song. Thankfully, the movie shines in the songs and the visual, psychedelic experience. The odd blend of sensuality and brutality comes forth to make an otherwise boring movie:
4 out of 5 ticket stubs
Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (On DVD, rated PG)
The good guys stretch, burn, disappear, and are made of rock, while the bad guy is made of metal. All comic book geeks unite! We must band together to defeat this abomination to all things Marvel! I ranted for three days straight after seeing this movie. I mean, it was seventy minutes of talking mixed with twenty minutes of "I think we're watching an action scene" scenes. The Silver Surfer, while quite possibly the coolest-looking thing in the moive, was only a harbinger of an even bigger threat: Galacticus, the Planet Eater, and also the most disappointing aspect of the film. In the graphic novel, Galacticus is a giant who speaks in old English and refers to himself in the the third person. ("What do mere human lives mean to Galacticus?") In the movie, he's a could that goes "whossh." Yeah.
1 1/2 out of 5 ticket stubs
The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass (For the DS, rated T)
The Legend does it again. Not only does it prove the story of Link is timeless, Phantom Hourglass shows they can modify the way you play the game over and over and over while still keeping the familiarity of the first. The game is entirely touch-based, completely doing away with the D-pad (the arrows for those who have no idea what that means, and if you don't, really, why are you reading this?). This is both hindering and refreshing. While it's nice to play games a different way, those who prefer the alternative will have no option to switch the control schem. It works, with some definite gripes, but all in all Phantom Hourglass can do nothing but satisfy. Like a Snickers, this game gets:
400 out of 500 HP
Halo 3 (For the XBox360, rated M)
The fight is finally finished. There is no cliffhanger ending that will make you want to chuck your controller at the TV screen, and no question that it is a worthy conclusion to a great trilogy. Campaign mode has its moments and its issues as always. The levels are no longer "Ger from point A to point B" and are more widespread. There's still some backtracking, but it isn't as tedious as before. The difficulty setting is out of wack, but done purposefully. Normal is way too easy for Halo experts, but just hard enough for those who don't worship every aspect of it. The voice acting and storyline are still terrible, though. Like its predecessors, the glory in Halo 3 lies in Multiplayer. There are more maps, more weapons, and more physics. Not to mention the amazing graphics. I award Halo 3 a well-deserved and well-anticipated:
450 out of 500 HP
Ratchet & Clank Future: Tools of Destruction (For the PS3, rated T)
That certainly is a title. As a long time fan of the series, I'm happy the game plays much like the others, with similar physics and mechanics. And there's nary a moment where there isn't some huge explosion on screen. Falling debris, last minute jumps and constant environmental changes adds much more platforming than in previous titles. Not to mention the added bonus of being able to transform your enemies into penguins, then busting out the Groovatron and forcing them to dance. That is quite awesome, and therefore deserves:
400 out of 500 HP
A remake of the 1972 original with the same name, The Heartbreak Kid tells the story of a man whose marriage goes horribly wrong mere days after the ceremony is finished. While on his honeymoon, he falls for another, presumably unattainable woman who is most definitely not his wife. Well, doesn't that suck? A formula for disaster, the movie doesn't reach its full potential. While the laughs are many and the story well developed, there are many missed opportunities; times where I thought they could have pulled of some more "Oh snap!" moments. Hereafter, The Heartbreak Kid shall have:
3 1/2 out of 5 ticket stubs
Across The Universe (On DVD, rated PG-13)
I'm a fan of musicals, and when I heard there was a musical based entirely on the Beatles' music, I nearly fainted. Then I heard it wasn't showing in Jacksonville. So I dished out two hundred dollars to have a buddy of mine take me to Tampa solely so I could watch it. Unfortunately, the plot could literally be described in a children's book, and almsot every character's name is linked to a Beatles' song. Thankfully, the movie shines in the songs and the visual, psychedelic experience. The odd blend of sensuality and brutality comes forth to make an otherwise boring movie:
4 out of 5 ticket stubs
Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (On DVD, rated PG)
The good guys stretch, burn, disappear, and are made of rock, while the bad guy is made of metal. All comic book geeks unite! We must band together to defeat this abomination to all things Marvel! I ranted for three days straight after seeing this movie. I mean, it was seventy minutes of talking mixed with twenty minutes of "I think we're watching an action scene" scenes. The Silver Surfer, while quite possibly the coolest-looking thing in the moive, was only a harbinger of an even bigger threat: Galacticus, the Planet Eater, and also the most disappointing aspect of the film. In the graphic novel, Galacticus is a giant who speaks in old English and refers to himself in the the third person. ("What do mere human lives mean to Galacticus?") In the movie, he's a could that goes "whossh." Yeah.
1 1/2 out of 5 ticket stubs
The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass (For the DS, rated T)
The Legend does it again. Not only does it prove the story of Link is timeless, Phantom Hourglass shows they can modify the way you play the game over and over and over while still keeping the familiarity of the first. The game is entirely touch-based, completely doing away with the D-pad (the arrows for those who have no idea what that means, and if you don't, really, why are you reading this?). This is both hindering and refreshing. While it's nice to play games a different way, those who prefer the alternative will have no option to switch the control schem. It works, with some definite gripes, but all in all Phantom Hourglass can do nothing but satisfy. Like a Snickers, this game gets:
400 out of 500 HP
Halo 3 (For the XBox360, rated M)
The fight is finally finished. There is no cliffhanger ending that will make you want to chuck your controller at the TV screen, and no question that it is a worthy conclusion to a great trilogy. Campaign mode has its moments and its issues as always. The levels are no longer "Ger from point A to point B" and are more widespread. There's still some backtracking, but it isn't as tedious as before. The difficulty setting is out of wack, but done purposefully. Normal is way too easy for Halo experts, but just hard enough for those who don't worship every aspect of it. The voice acting and storyline are still terrible, though. Like its predecessors, the glory in Halo 3 lies in Multiplayer. There are more maps, more weapons, and more physics. Not to mention the amazing graphics. I award Halo 3 a well-deserved and well-anticipated:
450 out of 500 HP
Ratchet & Clank Future: Tools of Destruction (For the PS3, rated T)
That certainly is a title. As a long time fan of the series, I'm happy the game plays much like the others, with similar physics and mechanics. And there's nary a moment where there isn't some huge explosion on screen. Falling debris, last minute jumps and constant environmental changes adds much more platforming than in previous titles. Not to mention the added bonus of being able to transform your enemies into penguins, then busting out the Groovatron and forcing them to dance. That is quite awesome, and therefore deserves:
400 out of 500 HP
1 comment:
umm...you do realise that 'Across the Universe' was showing at Tinseltown right?...Anyways I loved it, ALL of it. Your review made me want to see it all the more, so thank you for that. Silversurfer left me feeling unsatisfyed, and very annoyed though as you said the silversurfer himself was actually pretty cool. I haven't seen The Heartbreak Kid, but i sounds funny.
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