The Final Northeaster

Mindless Self Entertainment

by James del Rosario

We've finally made it to the concluding issue of this school year. This is to be my closing article (yes, that's right--weep. Your anguish sustains me!) And in response, I am telling you which movies and games stuck itself in my mind, for whatever reason, during Mindless Self Entertainment's short lifetime.

Juno (movie on DVD, rated PG-13)

I'm going to say the same thing about this as I do about chocolate sprinkles: get it, and devour it. This movie not only has it all, it executes everything to the greatest perfection. The characters play a serious situation with the greatest of sarcasm and wit, and you just can't help but love Juno. Even I, who dislike sappy moments in the middle of comedies, just love the smooth transitions between dramatic tension and laugh-out-loud hilarious. This movie is by far the greatest achievement of the year, and it is a must-buy for any DVD collection. Special features include "never before seen" behind-the-scenes interviews. I actually began wondering what would happen if you put chocolate sprinkles on top of Juno. Possibly the universe would end. And it would be awesome.

5 out of 5 ticket stubs

Shutter (movie in theaters, rated PG-13)

Okay, seriously, I'm starting to get worried about my sanity. Did I not just see this movie? With Jessica Alba? Or was it Sarah Michelle Gellar? It gets really confusing, what with the never-ending slew of really bad Asian horror film remakes. Perhaps I'm just developing a bias against these horror movies, but Shutter truly just wasn't a good film. Go ahead, watch it. I dare you. And when you're crying your eyes out from the intense horror of this atrocity, horror that isn't given through its intent, I will be standing over you, laughing my head off. Which, unlike Shutter, really is a terrifying sight.

0.25 out of 5 ticket stubs

The Hottie & The Nottie (movie in theaters, rated PG-13)

Ah, yes, another vulgar establishment of Paris Hilton's never-ending vanity. This movie succeeds in doing just one thing: trumpeting the most anti-feminist message I have heard in recent years. The only reason, I can think, that this movie was created was to torture all those who dislike Hilton. Although, there is hope. John Lennon's album, Imagine, went to number 1 on the charts after he died. Paris Hilton fans have promised that her album and movies will also hit the top, if she too agrees to die. Perhaps this is a sensible career choice, Paris.

0.25 out of 5 ticket stubs

Patapon (game for the PSP, rated E)

If you smashed together a red ball of Play-Doh and a blue ball of Play-Doh, you would expect the resulting mass to become purple. This is exactly what Patapon does, and yet they've somehow come out with a rainbow-colored miniature Venus de Milo. Patapon takes several key elements from different genres and creates a PSP game that basically tastes like deliciousness. It blends rhythm-based controls with a horizontally scrolling, real-time strategy game, and has plenty of RPG-styled gear and fantastic visuals painted by some French dude! It's nothing like any game that's come before it, and its retail price is about half of most other PSP games. It's about as much of a "duh" choice as the decision to not jump into an active volcano.

500 out of 500 HP

The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess (game for the Wii, rated T)

By far, this is the best idea that Nintendo has ever come up with, and possibly one of the best games in the history of the entertainment industry. Twilight Princess smashes together the greatest of 3D gameplay and the best of the 2D weaponry, such as the classic Ball'n'Chain from Link to the Past. And while I thought that enemy was just annoying and near impossible to defeat, I now have the intense pleasure of wielding this weapon for my own. Featuring a much darker storyline than previous titles, this games is absolutely epic and breathtaking. While most other games in the series just involved you walking from one dungeon to another, this time around, the paths to the dungeons are sometimes just as challenging and fun as the dungeons themselves. The graphics, while not on par with other next-gen games, are still the best featured on the Wii. Practically twice as big as any other Zelda game, Twilight Princess is an absolute must-have for any Wii-owner.
500 out of 500 HP


History Channel: Battle for the Pacific (game for the XBox360, rated T)

So here's the good: it plays when you enter it into the system. The bad? Terrible AI, shoddy, put-together-at-the-last-minute mission system coupled with sleepy voiceovers probably provided by the same old men you see on the History Channel, and the fact that I shelled out ten dollars to rent it. I'd say there was a problem with the difficulty curve as well, if ti weren't for the fact that there's a severe lack of one. A typical mission involves "staying alive," which was utterly laughable considering the enemies just looked at me while I waited for the countdown to finish, eventually going onto MySpace to entertain myself while playing a game. That's right; I had to find a way to entertain myself while playing a game, therefore proving that History Channel: Battle for the Pacific has utterly defeated itself in its own purpose.
25 out of 500 HP