Mario Kart Wii (game for the Wii, rated E)

I've never been a fan of Mario Kart. I've never been a fan of racing games altogether, no matter how kid and cutesy (Diddy Kong Racing) or how realistic and fast (Gran Turismo) they made them. And despite my utter dislike for cars and every vehicle derived thereof, I was actually looking forward to this title, if only because Brawl was slightly exhausting itself due to my utter lack of friends. I also didn't want to become the guy who so obviously plays games by himself due to the fact that he's so much better than everyone else, the lonely bastard.

Yet, with all the quirks and such packed into the game, I was left wanting a great deal of a little something called "more." All the hype, and the most I got out of it was trying out all the new characters. And by god, there are new characters. Honestly, I suppose I can't berate them too harshly for stuffing Diddy, Bowser Jr., and Baby Luigi, as they all had appearances in Double Dash. But why, for the love of God, would you stuff a Baby Daisy, Funky Kong, Dry Bowser, and fucking Rosalina? I mean, Rosalina? Rosalina, a fucking graduate of the Gerard Way School for Blond Emo Haircuts, becomes a kart-driver. Sure, the technology is a bit of a step down from that space station of hers, but as long as you have a Luma next to you, no big, right?

I find it a slight icky when I purchase a game with the word "kart" in the title, then suddenly find myself having to choose from ten motorcycles as well. And really, a motorcycle versus a go-kart seems a tad unbalanced.

Speaking of unbalanced, I really hate the item distribution system. Basically, the law states that if you're in first place, the only two possible items available to you are the Mushroom and a Banana, neither of which help you because there's never a path straight enough for you to use the boost without smacking into a wall, and Bananas are so easy to avoid it's not even fun to rub it in their face. And when you're in last, it's basically guaranteed that you get a Blue Shell, which doesn't help you at all, as it flies to blow up the person in first. But since you're in last, you're in no fucking position to overtake them.

While I realize that Mario Kart is meant to be more of a hectic party game than a race, Mario Kart Wii finally defines the drink between "fun time" and "making a complete ass of yourself when you try to make out with your best friend's wife." Which is possibly quite humorous to some, but many a friend have I lost to the incessant crawl of games that should have been snuffed after the second title. Nice enough for the kids, but not worthy of the hype it's been given.

Iron Man (movie in theaters, rated PG-13)

While I tend to be very nerdish when it comes to movies based on comic books, bashing them for not being true to the origin while still being all-in-all a good movie, I was pleasantly surprised by Iron Man. After the spectacular disaster that was Rise of the Silver Surfer, which was neither a good tribute nor a good movie, you can understand the skepticism I felt towards this new Marvel film. One part of me wanted to hate it, due to its "sure-to-be" deviation from the comic book, like X-Men, SpiderMan, and The Fantastic Four before it. Another part of me wanted to love the film because of its tribute to the one superhero that, while I'm sure the majority of comic book fans know him, isn't as well-known as, say, SpiderMan.

The final part told me to shut up and enjoy.

Which is what I did. Iron Man was both a good movie and tribute, which has been thus far been a concept beyond the thought-process of Hollywood. Where they've failed before, they've now succeeded. Previous Marvel films, while not being terrible movies, have changed the storylines and character portrayals so fiercely that now great story arcs such as Civil War are now impossible to achieve. SpiderMan 3, despite it being 95% chick-flick, I actually enjoyed, even through it's terrible portrayal of Venom. The alien symbiote in the movie enhanced feelings of anger and depression, while in the comic it wasn't the alien itself, but the power it gave its hosts that was corrupting, expressed through the fact that when SpiderMan first rejected the symbiote, he was fatally wounded, and the alien dragged him to safety before bonding with Eddie Brock. Likewise, Galacticus is definitely an intergalactic giant, as opposed to the cosmic cloud portrayed in Rise of the Silver Surfer.

Robert Downey, Jr.'s portrayal, however, was an excellent example of what an actor should do--become the character. As a matter of fact, I can no longer imagine Tony Stark played by anyone else. He just lets the billionaire-playboy shine through, making the action-packed movie still one of the funniest movies to come out this summer. The dialogue is generally witty and fresh than manufactured catchphrases, and the various action sequences are designed to be nothing anyone has seen, despite the numerous superhero movies out. Congrats, Tony Stark. The superhero franchise lives a bit longer thanks to your life-support system.

4 out of 5 ticket stubs